just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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