On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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