Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
