Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
This baby is an asshole
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
