Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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