dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
