Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
