she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
