so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
