Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
