dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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