Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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