booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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