How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
