I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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