Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
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The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize