It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
