If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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