one word: firstdatebathroomanal
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
