I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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