and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
