member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
