I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
