I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
