I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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