Did you just see the Batmobile???
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
