Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
