last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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