K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
