So drunk, too bad you don't want this
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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