Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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