I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Boobs speak an international language.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize