So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That accounts for only three of the penises
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
