I puked a lego.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
