Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
