just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
