My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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