i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
