So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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