my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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