yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
