brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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