There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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