he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
