When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
