if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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