Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
