hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
