Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
