You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
she peed on how many people?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
