DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
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