so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
