I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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