Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
