can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
