No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
