But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
This is not my ceiling
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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