I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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