hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
