She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
