A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
