Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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