the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
