hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
