Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
