Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
youre lurking in front of me
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
