Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
