i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
