He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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