I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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