So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Randomize
