We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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