need another drink. this is the easiest way
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
