is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
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The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
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He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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