I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
